today is thanksgiving, i stopped celebrating it, which makes this 1 year...but thats beside the point. today while everyone is feeling in the spirits of being thankful and so gracious for they have i am at home alone and i have nothing to be thankful for and i have nothign to be happy about. i decided to stay home and watch the marathons and be by myself. i let my mom and siblings go out to visit relatives and i told her that she can go by herself. i havent called none of my relatives to wish them well, simply because none of us speak anytime of the year except christmas and this day of course. so to me its all a fake. but anyways, i have had the most horrific 4 years of my life and i really dont fine that any day is very enjoyable. i am just seeking peace right now in my life and trying to come to terms with my life which sucks i dont know if im being selfish or if im doing the right thing...
as you know from the title i am a single mother. today is friday and right now many ppl around my age 18-25 specifically woman are getting ready to go hang out with some friends, go to a club, a bar, or on a date. right now i am home with my child staying in probably watching some cartoons and catching a flic. i used to be mad at this in the begining but now that i have matured i am now seeing that going to parties amd drinking doesnt do anything to fulfil my life. being with my child is wayyy greater than rubbing against a man on a dance floor to some provocative music. i made that choice to be a mother so i signed my life to my son. its far much more better than signing my life over to the fast life :)
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my life isnt the easiest and my life wasnt the best. i hope that life is good for you. i hope that you work hard for everything that you want and desire in life. be a good boy to anyone who you comes in contact with and show respect. i wish the best for you in life and i want your dreams to come true. i may not be the best mother in the world or have alot but i have a heart big enough for the both of us. i never thought i could love anyone or loved all the wrong people , i had a hard time finding love within myself. everyday i am gonna find all the love i can for you somewhere in my broken heart. i may be young and have sacrificed alot to have you here but i know someday it will be worth it. i look forward to all the days i have left with you. i may get fustrated at time and may want to quit, but looking in your eyes i can see that you need me and that you love me. i thank god for you you are a blessing
Previous Postsam i selfish or what?, posted November 22nd, 2012
single mother.... my thoughts right now, posted November 16th, 2012
my letter to my son, posted November 16th, 2012, 2 comments
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